Wow has it been 2 months?

I just realized I haven't posted in 2 months and I apologize...but as the treatments have come to an end, there seems to be less to talk about.  I will try my best to catch up on the last 2 months...

October 14th marks my graduation from Chemo.  While I am very happy that is all over with it is also very bittersweet, as I had some really great nurses taking care of me and I will miss seeing them on a regular basis!!!

October 15th marked another finale in my life.  After almost 20 years of waiting and more than 2 years of pain...I finally have straight teeth!!  My braces came of the day after chemo and I couldn't be happier with the results.  For those that have known me a long time, you know what an amazing transformation that was!

Right now the biggest obstacle moving forward is the discrepancy with the pathology.  The original specimen that was taken during the biopsy came back weakly positive for Estrogen and Progesterone.  The tissue that was dissected and tested after the tumor and breasts were removed were tested by a different hospital that I went to for chemotherapy.  They are concluding the results were negative.  This hospital is trying to make it seem like the original hospital isn't always accurate in their testing protocols.  If the results weren't a huge factor in determining what the next course of treatment is, then I would just let it go.  But there is a big difference between needing an anti-hormone for 5 years and not.  There is a 50% reduction in recurrence with the anti-hormone medication IF in fact the tumor is fed by the hormones.  The compromise to this is the hospital I go to for oncology is going to request the original specimen from the original biopsy and run their own tests to determine positivity or negativity.  

I am slowly checking everything off the FINALLY FINISHED list of treatment and recovery.  December 1st I underwent outpatient surgery to have my permanent (well 15 years permanent) implants put in.  The surgery lasted an hour and then another hour in recovery and I was on my way home.  I even managed a few phone calls to update my condition while I waited on Brian to fill my antibiotic.  I was pretty groggy and it was suggested I take my pain meds for 24 hours, although I didn't really feel any pain, at least not even close to what I felt before.  Although by 8 o'clock that night I hadn't eaten much, and what I had eaten wasn't too heavy and so the percocet made me sick to my stomach.  Since I wasn't in pain, I went ahead and stopped taking them at that point.  I switched to Tylenol Extra Strength in the morning and took those for maybe 24 hours after that.  I went back to work a week later to wrap things up for the holiday break.  This past Friday I met with the plastic surgeon for a follow up, and at this point in the healing process he said everything looks great.  There are still some scabs along the suture line, but you honestly can't tell I just had surgery (again!) 2 weeks ago.  However, because he did do some extra work on the inside, he wants me to follow my restrictions for another week and will follow up with him again in 2 months!!

I have an appointment after the beginning of the year to finally have my port removed.  I was very okay with it going in, as I knew it was the safest route for my AC to be administered.  But now that I've not needed it, I'm VERY anxious to have it removed.  That foreign object in my body has been more stressful than all of the breast stuff combined.  I've heard horror stories from other cancer patients on their ports flipping over, being knocked out of place, etc and I was soo worried I'd do something to it!

At one point this fall I was juggling appointments with 7 different health care professionals... I have my dentist and orthodontist, my primary care physician, my surgeon, my plastic surgeon, my oncologist and my ob/gyn.  I am looking forward to the new year when my follow up appointments go from every few weeks to every few months.

A Few Months Hair Growth!

I'm so happy to finally be able to start putting my cancer in my "past" file and this is clearing room for me to start planning my future.  And what better way to look to the future, than to plan a wedding with my best friend?  After waiting for a long time, Brian finally proposed last night and I of course said Yes! I look forward to spending the rest of my healthy life with him!

Mixed Emotions

I feel like I'm always apologizing to those of you who only follow my recovery through here.  I am super busy with work and my side business and when I think about updating it's usually not at a time when I can sit down and do it!  So here's updates from the treatment I had 3 weeks ago.

I have been having mixed emotions about everything "cancer" lately.  At first I was happy when they switched me from Taxol to Taxotere because it meant putting some time in between which really has helped me recover better.  However I wonder if the side effects are worse now than they would have been with the weekly treatments.  I have been experiencing a lot of bone/joint pain, especially in my hips and legs.  It has made getting down on the floor with the kids at school extremely uncomfortable.  There have been many nights I couldn't have gone to sleep without the help of a couple Advil.  Plus it's taken me a good week after chemo to feel back to normal.

Now as the last treatment draws near (this Friday) I am both unbelievably excited to be done and anxious to start putting this chapter behind me, but on the other hand I'm extremely scared.  I've gone from seeing a doctor regularly to only getting to see her once every 3 months.  Now it's going to fall on me to understand my body and alert someone if something doesn't seem right.  NO PRESSURE!!  She said there is no point in doing scans regularly because it won't see anything until it's already come back, and she said that only usually buys us a couple weeks before symptoms alert us that there is a problem.  And she said it won't effect the way we treat any recurrence.

The other big stress is the fact that my current treatment hospital redid the pathology from the original tumor.  The prior pathology indicated the tumor was Estrogen and Progesterone positive.  This is why I was originally told by all the oncologists that I would need to go on Tamoxifen for 5 years after chemo.  Now the oncologist is saying the new review of the pathology shows that the tumor was in fact triple negative.  I had a friend of mine who is a pathologist look at all the reports and such and she said that the staining from the current hospital is correct.  But honestly I don't understand any of that stuff.  Brian and I decided I needed to follow up with my original surgeon to see what he thinks about this latest news, but honestly I just keep dragging my feet on making the call.

Last treatment also called into question my blood sugar.  This time around I have to take the steroid morning and evening the day prior and the day of treatment.  Well when they ran all the blood tests they did a glucose and mine was in the 350's.  They gave me a shot of insulin and then sent me home with a prescription for a glucose monitor.  I spent the rest of the weekend pricking myself twice a day checking the sugar levels.  THAT SUCKED!!  I pray that I don't develop diabetes because I don't think I can do that every day for the rest of my life.  My fingers hurt and they bruised every time I pricked them.  The weekend levels remained relatively normal.  I will probably start testing it again tomorrow before the steroid and then while I'm on it to see what happens.  I need to follow up with my regular doctor, but as I already have an appointment with her next month I'll just wait and discuss it with her then.  The doctor's all seem to think it was a spike due to the steroid, but because it was so high they didn't want to take any chances.

On a positive note, I've gone back to my plastic surgeon and started having fills again.  I've had 2 since I've been on fall break from school and will go back again next week for what will hopefully be the last. He said we are close to being done, after next week's we will re-evaluate things and decide what we are going to do.  I've scheduled the implant surgery for December 1st.  I know that puts me right in the middle of craziness at school, we'll just be coming back from Thanksgiving and getting things caught up before going on break for Christmas and the end of 2011.  They said I should only need a week to recover, but you know me.  I'm hoping to go back sooner.  Just like last time, I'd rather be at work rather than sitting around doing nothing all day.  I will be back on my restrictions for lifting and all that good stuff, so no laundry, no cleaning, no lifting, nothing over 10 pounds for 6 weeks again!  Brian's going to LOVE that!!

I've been fortunate to have made it through most of my treatments without being sick.  Unfortunately I caught a cold, most likely from work, and have spent my entire break sick!  It started as a chest cold, and this week we've gone North as head congestion and a yucky throat thanks to drainage.  Wee what fun!!

Rough Way To Go

Okay this weekend has probably been the worst weekend I've had yet during treatments.  I woke up Friday morning with serious nausea and diarrhea.  I wasn't able to eat more than 1 piece of toast and didn't really drink much but still headed off to chemo like a trooper.  I told the nurse practitioner that I felt like I'd fallen apart from last week to this week, I was feeling pain, I wasn't sleeping and was just exhausted, oh and the upset stomach.  She went ahead and prescribed a sleep aid for me to try to help and we talked about all the other issues I was experiencing.  I thought the nausea might have been from something I'd eaten the night before so we figured it would work itself out of my system itself.  Made it over to the chemo area where I  was put through the same pre-meds I had just managed to be taken off of for 1 week.  Of course I felt the benadryl "haze" immediately and it didn't take long for me to fall asleep.  Well that was soon short lived as I was immediately woken up with a major wave of nausea.  Thank goodness Brian was quick on his feet with the trash can.  After spending some time emptying out whatever was left in my stomach they went ahead and proceeded with the taxotere and I was sent on my way.

I debated whether or not to still make the trip home this weekend to see the family, but instead opted to forget trying to haul the washer and dryer to dad's house and but to go ahead with the planned visit.  I literally slept the ENTIRE ride up there.  Brian and I went out to Applebee's for dinner, honestly NOT a good choice when you've still got a queasy stomach, they didn't even have buttered noodles on the kids menu!!  Ended up with chicken tenders and fries, and they both managed to stay down.  Had a great visit on Friday evening with the extended family and even made plans to go watch the OSU game with my sister and her friend the next day.  Woke up on Saturday with more diarrhea and continued nausea, so at that point just decided to make the drive home. 

I watched the first half of the game and then fell asleep at half time.  Unfortunately my nap lasted the entire second half, but I was happy to wake up and find out we had won 42-0!!!  Unfortunately the nausea has lasted the majority of the weekend.  I hadn't eaten all day Saturday but was able to eat some dinner later in the evening.  Yesterday I managed a few small meals but really didn't feel like eating.  I haven't left the house in over 48 hours and haven't managed to do much outside of bed.

For those of you that know Brian and I well you know that I'm the one to takes care of the majority of the housework.  Housework is at the top of my list of frustrations of living with cancer.  Most days it's all I can do to make it through an 8 hour day at work but come home and cook, do dishes or laundry....not happening.  Well since Brian hates doing housework, and I'm not capable of doing what I used to things are just falling behind....my big plan for this weekend was to get caught up around the house...I figured I had 2 days to pace myself and get things done.  Fat chance!!  So here I sit on the bed looking at the floor where some of the dirty clothes have been sorted and am trying to talk myself into sorting what's in the hamper and at least getting 1 load to the basement and into the washer.  I'm SERIOUSLY considering hiring a housekeeper until I make it through treatments and get my life back.

Speaking of treatments...T minus 6 weeks until I have to walk into that infusion area and receive my LAST chemo treatment!!!

Shortage?!?!

Received a call today from the nurse practiciner at the oncologists office.  Evidentally there is a nationwide shortage of Taxol so I will no longer be receiving it.  Instead I will be receiving a similar drug called Taxotere (spelling unsure).  So instead of my weekly treatments at a lower dosage I will be receiving a treatment every 3 weeks at a higher dosage.  This means that the Neulasta shots are coming back.  I'm sure Brian will be happy to be giving those to me again!

I'm not really sure how I feel about this.  It's 3 treatments instead of 9, Yeah!  But that means the Neulasta injections are back, Yuck!  Hopefully the Neulasta will help keep my immune system up while I'm working, Yeah! Will finish treatment a week later than originally expected, Yuck!  And I'm hoping the side effects aren't felt more than they already are.  This was something previously discussed with the oncologist when I started the weekly Taxol, if we did every other week there was more of a chance I would feel the painful side effects than with the weekly injections.  I guess I'll have to decide how I feel after I get the treatment!

Just for something funny to add...Brian and I walked down the street to the field that used to have wheat in it to take pictures of the flowers now growing in it....decided to just pop a squat right in the middle of the flowers and let Brian take my picture...for those that haven't seen me in awhile, it's the first official BALD photo!!

Taxol

I am sooo sorry I haven't posted in awhile, it just seems life is getting in the way!!  I've been super busy now that work is back in full swing, and trying to get out and have a social life as much as I can.  And don't forget the trips out on the boat with Brian!!

Okay so week's 1 and 2 on Taxol were quite interesting..They give me 3 pre-meds to make sure that I don't have an allergic reaction, and the nurse sits in there with you for the first 15-20 minutes with a "kit" just in case.  The pre-meds are benadryl (I kinda miss that now that it's gone, it helped me take a few great naps both in the chemo room, in the car, and at home!!!), decadron (sp??) this was the same stuff I was taking in the pill form for anti-nausea with the AC but this was a larger dose via IV...my only complaint with this was the "burn" that came with it being injected!  And the last was a pepsid...after 2 weeks of those drugs with Taxol and no reactions I no longer needed them with this past week's infusion.  Oh there was 1 bad side affect with the benadryl, last week I had restless leg syndrome...I thought I was going to come unglued trying to sit in the chair reading my magazine!!

This week I was fortunate to have had Barb go with me...I wanted to give Brian a break since Friday's are supposed to be his day off and he was already scheduled to work from 5pm Friday to 1pm Sunday...we sat and visited and had a nice time.  Even my nurse sat in the room visiting with us for a little while.

I went back to my surgeon for a 3 month follow up.   He said everything looks good.  He showed me how to do a self breast exam with the expanders in.  Kinda creepy both he and the resident with him did my exam in the office, but hey I lost my modesty a long time ago!! I will go back and see him in November, then we'll go 6 months, and then it will be every year.   He put me in contact with a gynecologist so that I can start having my ovaries monitored until I decide to have them out.  I know the oncologist is hoping that will happen as soon as chemo is over, but I'm not quite on board with that yet.  In the meantime I will have blood work and ultrasounds and be closely monitored just in case.

Fair warning to everyone reading this who sees me on a regular basis, thanks to menopause #1 I'm very emotional, don't be alarmed if I cry at the drop of the hat, and over something really insignificant.  Just hand me a Kleenex and ignore it! :)

I noticed something kind of odd today.  For some reason the ONLY place I won't go bald is to Jazzercise, and I'm not sure why that is.  I usually wear a bandana when I'm there...today I was REALLY warm and should have taken it off but I couldn't do it.  I don't know why that is, I'm very comfortable there, and most of the time I can start to feel like the old me there (except I still can't work out as hard as I used to), but I get lost in the music and usually walk away feeling much better after the hour.  Strange that I feel I need to hide my bald head there....speaking of bald head, one of the nurses said I'll start getting a little fuzz grow back, but my hair won't grow back until the chemo is over...she described it like the fluff underneath a bird's wing.

Okay I need to wrap this up, I have dinner plans and then I'm heading out to say goodbye to a good friend of mine who is moving tomorrow.  But please understand, no news is probably good news where this blog is concerned...if I haven't posted it means there's probably nothing new worth mentioning!

First Taxol Treatment

Okay so of course there were lots of delays today so we were there FOREVER!!  The doctor got held up in a meeting so she was late seeing me, then spent some time going over possible side effects with the Taxol, the biggest one I need to be careful of is the tingling/numbness in my hands and feet.   But the good news was when she said the nausea would go away!!

Then we got into the chemo area and waited a little bit on the nurse to come in, I had a new one this time. I've been fortunate to have had the same nurse for 3/4 of my AC treatments, and the 4th one was with the same nurse that had done my first zolodex injection.  Then after she went over side effects and what to expect with treatment she ordered my premeds...for the first 2 treatments I will be taking ironically one of my anti nausea meds (this time IV push instead of pill), 50mg of benadryl and pepsid, all to help with any possible allergic reaction to Taxol.  After the first 2 treatments, if there is no reaction then they will do away with the pre meds.  Of course we had to wait for them to be released by pharmacy and then we had to wait 30 minutes once they were on board to start the chemo.  And of course we waited for the pharmacy to release the chemo to my nurse.  It was after 1 when we were leaving there today so a very long day.

The funny part for everyone else in the room was that as soon as the benadryl was on board I was feeling VERY loopy and kinda buzzed.  I wasn't allowed to get up and go to the bathroom by myself today because of it.  I managed to fight off the sleep while the treatment was being started.  The nurse stays with you for 15-20 minutes incase of reaction and has to take 2 sets of vitals.  But after she left I definitely couldn't keep my eyes open, when the IV buzzed that it was finished I think I jumped!!  I felt really groggy and totally out of it at that point, and had a little nausea but not the same feelings as with the AC.  All I wanted to do was just go home and crawl into bed.

I immediately fell asleep, but Brian woke me up awhile later to get me to eat some lunch.  As soon as that was over I fall back to sleep again.  I think I slept for a good 3 hours total this afternoon.  But as soon as I woke up I felt 100% better.  I am curious to see what the next few days will be like, if there will be any new side effects or not.  I know the tingling may not start for a couple treatments if at all.  But they were right when they said this treatment is much easier to tolerate (except for the benadryl!!!).

Something else I learned today, as we get into cold and flu season I will be required to get a flu shot, and they've even suggested Brian get one too so he doesn't bring it into the house.  But I have to be careful being around people who get the flu MIST, as it is a live virus and can float into the air from the nose after receiving it.  So if any of you that I see on a regular basis do get the flu mist this season, please let me know and I'll probably have to avoid close contact with you for a couple days.

As if..

This wasn't going to be a tough enough week, but let's throw some insomnia into the mix.  Had a really rough night Saturday night, hence the 4 AM posting on the last post.  Took a sleeping pill Sunday night and slept great...last night, not so much....I crashed at about 9 after a nice relaxing hot shower.  Then woke up at 11ish, then 1ish,  then 2ish, and then was wide awake from 4:11 until the alarm went off.   I have a 12 hour day ahead of me today...YIKES!!

The AC Treatments are Officially Complete!!

So Friday I received my last AC treatment!!!  I was soo ready for those to be over.  Of course this weekend has been exhausting and I have my usual nausea.  However I have gone almost 36 hours without my rescue meds.  For the most part I've been able to control the nausea with food intake.

I have officially added another side effect to the list...I am no longer having periods, so I guess I'm officially in my first Menopause..I say first, because at 32 I know I'll be going through it again in my life!!  Unfortunately that combined with the chemo has caused a considerate weight gain.  I will be so happy when all this is over and I have my own body back.  There have been soo many outside changes somedays I don't recognize myself.

Along with the menopause weight gain I've had some days that were very emotional.  This weekend included.  It's been a really rough couple of days, I'm hoping that tomorrow (well I guess technically today since it's 4:00 am) will be better!

My Apologies

I have to apologize to everyone for not having posted in awhile.  Brian and I bought a bought 2 weeks ago and we've been busy getting it running and enjoying it out on the water!!

So the last chemo went about as well as the previous 2 have gone.  I of course came home and slept the rest of Friday away.  Saturday I managed to get up and go to Jazzercise on Saturday morning.  Of course I had to go home and take a nap!! :)

Sunday I was asked to speak at a fundraising event for Pelotonia.  Of course I wasn't feeling great that day and ended up having to take my rescue meds, but I thankfully made it through the 2 hour event without falling asleep on my feet.  I was incredibly nervous and stumbled through me speech a little bit, but many came up afterwards and thanked me for speaking.

Monday ended up being a really tough day.  I was very exhausted and started to feel frustrated that I wasn't up to doing anything more than laying in bed.  So on top of feeling crappy I ended up just feeling bad in general.  Those that know me, know that I'm not an idle person, I'm always running around, usually doing 2 things at once.  So faced with dishes that needed done, laundry that needed done, a classroom that needed I needed to start getting ready for the return to school, and other things I felt I needed to do and just didn't have the energy for was really tough mentally.  Thanks to a trip to Jazzercise, and a good crying phone call to Kat I managed to get through it!

I officially went back to work yesterday.  I've already worked 20 of my 37.5 hours this week and it's only Tuesday.  All in all I feel ready for the kids to walk in the door tomorrow morning.  I will work tomorrow and Thursday and will take Friday off to go to chemo.  Everyone was surprised that I went back to work this week.  But this is a good week, it's next week I'm worried about.  It has taken me until Tuesday or Wednesday following a chemo treatment before I'm feeling back to normal with normal energy.  The plan is to be back to work Monday am.  I just hope that I can pull it off and not totally exhaust myself.

2 Down, 2 + 12 To Go!

So Friday the 1st I went for my 2nd Round of Chemo.  Aside from a delay waiting for the nurse to get there who takes our blood it went much quicker and much smoother than the first round.  We were out of there by like 12:30.  I think I was experiencing some mind over matter issues and started to feel a little "queasy" just before we departed.  The nurse told me just to take a rescue med and go home and rest.  We made a slight detour for Brian to get some things he needed and that's exactly what I did.  I settled in for a nice 3.5 hour nap when we got home from the hospital.  I ended up spending a lot of time in bed this weekend.  I either slept or just relaxed in bed watching TV or reading from Friday afternoon until Sunday morning.  Brian kept himself occupied reloading new ammunition.  Sunday we had planned to spend at a friend's house for their annual 4th of July cookout.  I had a good time, but it was a very long day.  I had to spend Monday just relaxing to recover from it :)  Actually Brian was at work all day, so I took advantage of a marathon on TV.  We found a place to park on Monday night to watch Dublin's fireworks and then called it a close to the holiday weekend.

This treatment has been just like the first, however, I am experiencing more nausea (I've taken more of my meds this time around) and I am a lot more fatigued.  I have been either walking with Brian in the evening, or going to Jazzercise class to try and keep moving.  However class on Tuesday morning was really difficult to get through, I just didn't feel like I had the energy to finish.

Last week I found out that a co-worker of Brian's is riding in Pelotonia and hosting a brunch at the Hilton to help raise money.  He originally asked if it would be okay to put a piece on his website about me now that he had a more personal reason to do the event.  I agreed, and said I'd like to attend the brunch with a friend of mine.  He agreed to make a reservation for me, and then countered by asking if I'd be willing to get up and speak at the brunch and tell my personal story.  I have agreed.  So if anyone would like to have brunch on Sunday the 17th at the Hilton, let me know and I'll put you in contact with Dave.

BTW for those that thought I was wild and crazy for shaving my head before I knew if my hair would fall out....it's falling out!

The New Do!

Okay so the control freak that I am decided that I needed to decide when and how I was losing my hair, since everyone assures me it's going to happen.  So I booked a great friend (Jenna) who's also a stylist and invited some friends over to share in the festivities.   I bought 2 bottles of funky hair color (Raspberry Kamikaze and Purple Passion).  I told Jenna to have some fun and do whatever cut she was dying to try but no one has asked her to do.  The result was first a really cute hair style I might consider when the hair comes back in, and the rest was just a lot of good times with some great friends.  Here are the before, during and after pictures.  I will probably keep my "hawk" for a couple days and then I'll shave it all even soon.

The Before

My Cute Short Hair Cut

She's brought out the clippers!!

Half Buzzed - Half Cut

We were going for the 80's comb over

The front is normal but the back is all shaved

My Raspberry Kamikaze Mohawk

Adding the Purple Passion to the sides

Rinsing out the hair dye

The final look

Rockin' It Out!

1st Round Complete

So the first day of Chemotherapy was honestly very uneventful.  Showed up on time, a little early actually and had my blood work done.  SOOO easy with the port, especially since they already left the access needle in during the surgery.  Waited a bit for the doctor, but she had a few reminders and questions for me then we headed over to chemo.  There was a LOT of waiting involved in the chemo area, they have a very laid back approach, which is a good thing, because it keeps everything calm, but for someone like me who can be a bit impatient at times I just wanted to say GET A MOVE ON!! :)  They gave me 2 oral anti nausea meds that are used a preventative, and then I elected to join a small study OSU is doing on the 3rd drug, they have one pill they typically use but are studying another drug that is actually given via IV before chemo that stays in the body longer.  I actually received this new IV drug.  They have to wait about a half hour after those drugs are administered before starting chemo, so my official start of chemo wasn't until about noon.  We were even encouraged to eat something from the cafeteria downstairs while we waited.  I had a yummy morning star farms veggie burger!

During the first treatment they administer the drugs separately in case you have a reaction to one, they know which one it is.  The Adromycin the nurse sits next to you and pushes via IV like 2ml every couple of minutes, so she uses this time to go over some stuff in your packet of info they send you home with.  Once that syringe is in and you don't seem to be having a reaction they'll start the hour long IV drip of the cytoxen and then they'll administer the 2nd syringe of A at the same time.  We finished off with a how to do a SubQ injection for the Neulasta.  I got to the point of actually sticking the test needle (saline solution) in my belly and I hesitated.  I didn't think that was going to be difficult, so Brian bless his heart jumped right in and did the practice injection for me.  He's going to be the one to do them for me from now on.

My only complaint is between the nerves, the like 30+oz of liquid I drank and the saline drip I could NOT stop peeing.  There is a cute picture of myself below that Brian snapped of me returning from the bathroom pushing my little IV pole along!!

We finished up and said goodbye to everyone and left around 3ish.  Around 4:30 as I was heading over to the hotel to meet up with Brian I started feeling a little nausea, nothing bad but I could tell it was there.  I took one of the rescue meds for anti nausea and Brian brought me room service of 6 different crackers, soup, hummus, pita bread, carrots, celery, and cucumbers.  I was able to munch on stuff and do okay I just didn't really have an appetite for anything, which stinks cause they have really good food here!! :)  I finished out the night with a small box of cheerios and rice krispie cereal!!

This am I was able to eat a good sized breakfast of Belgian waffles, strawberries and blueberries, and hash browns with cranberry juice.  I ran a couple errands but was BUSHED so I ended up taking  a bit of a nap this afternoon.  I'm hoping we'll go down to the restaurant for dinner here soon, I'm feeling a little hungry and hope I will be able to enjoy something there!

Brian and I waiting to see the Doc

 Hooked up to Saline IV and Anti- Nausea meds are in

Returning for an upteenth trip to the potty!

My room service dinner!

Chemo Day

Feeling quite a bit nervous...

Dressed and sitting down to some breakfast then it's on the road we go.

I need lots of prayers and good thoughts today!!

Port Is In!

So we showed up at the hospital at 6 am, and was easily registered.  My only complaint has been that for whatever reason my records still indicate that I am on OSU's student health insurance.  I've given everyone my current insurance information but for some reason my records haven't been updated!!  We went up to the pre-op area where they had me change into a gown and they wanted to start an IV and draw blood for some pre-op tests.  For those of you that know me, I don't care much for needles/blood draws, and have a history of passing out after giving blood. Well she got the IV in no problem, but because of some valve in there, she was NOT able to draw any blood from that site, so that meant a 2nd prick to draw the blood needed.  This one made me light headed and uncomfortable.  Well about 10 minutes later she comes back to tell me that they need more blood for an update of my blood count because of my zolodex injection last week.  So here comes poke #3.  She evidently got it in no problem, but then the needle must have gone out the other side of the vein because it stopped flowing and she did NOT get enough blood.  Are you kidding me? You have to do it AGAIN?  So she got another nurse to come in and try, this went smoothly and they finally had everything they needed.

We were taken down to the pre-op area just outside the operating room where we waited what felt like FOREVER!  Because of the tissue expanders already in, the doctor needed to come decide where he was going to put the port in so as to not disturb the expanders, and so we were waiting on him.  Once I was taken in to the OR everyone was great, I was sedated but wide awake.  No I couldn't see anything, they had a drape over my chest and face area.  The procedure went very quickly.  They left an access needle in the port for my chemo tomorrow since I was already numb.  They will take that out after the chemo tomorrow, and all that will be left will be underneath the skin.  The took me into the post op/recovery area where they told me I was definitely wide awake and wouldn't need to be there very long.  They just needed to wait for a room for me upstairs where I started in Pre/Post Op.  Once I was taken upstairs and settled I was able to eat a turkey sandwich with pretzels.  I sat up there about an hour where they did a couple rounds of vitals, and then had me go to the bathroom.  I was able to go home about 12.

I am currently home and settled back into the recliner.  Unfortunately I'm on strict orders to do absolutely NOTHING today so Brian did not go into work like he had planned.  I am also not able to get the incision area wet for the next week :(  That means limited showers, which wouldn't be so bad if I weren't covered on the right side of my neck and shoulder in iodine..I hate that smell!!  Driving is definitely out of the question as my range of motion in my neck is somewhat limited.

And now I just need to wait for chemo tomorrow..

T-1 day

So tomorrow I go in for my port surgery.  Ironically enough while googling more information on what to expect I came across another blogger writing about her battle with breast cancer at the age of 36.  I now have a new friend in Vancouver Canada.  While I enjoyed reading her blog and seeing some similarities with what I have gone through it was also a little overwhelming to see what's in store for me.  I will be giving myself a Neulasta injection the day following chemo in order to boost my cells.  From what I've heard the main side effect of this injection is PAIN.  Muscle pain, join pain, bone pain.  Not really looking forward to that part.  I'm praying that I only have to do it during the AC treatments and not during the Taxol treatments as well.  I can do anything for 2 months right?!

Tomorrow I have to be at OSU at 6 am for an 8:15 procedure.  I will try and update my blog and/or facebook as soon as I'm able so that everyone knows how I am doing.  If not I will have Brian update as he did earlier while recovering from my mastectomy surgery.  I'm hoping I feel up to going to the grocery store tomorrow evening..maybe I can talk Brian into letting me have some Menchie's too :)

Friday we will start off at OSU at 8:15 and it's expected we will be there for a good couple of hours while I have my blood work done, I meet with the doctor to go over the blood work and then 2 different drugs have to be administered separately.  It is also my understanding that they will be doing a lot of educating while the process is going on, and they also have to show me how to self inject for the Neulasta.  I expect to be at the hospital for the majority of the day.  Brian is MOD this weekend so the plan is for me to go stay at the hotel with him so I can relax while he works.  I just hope I'm up for the yummy food that is usually had there!!  Again I will try and update my blog and or facebook as soon as I am able to following chemo on Friday.

Please say a prayer for me these next couple of days, I can use all the help I can get!!

Posting Comments - Tutorial

I know many of you have expressed difficulty in posting comments...I stole this tutorial from another blogger.  I hope this helps!!  I would love to have comments and feedback from people that are following and reading my blog.  Especially now that things are about to get tougher!

So, here's a small tutorial for those non- bloggers who wish to leave a comment at some point.

Go to the bottom of the post. On the bottom, towards the right side there is the word 'comments' sometimes with a number in front of it. That just means that's how many people commented before you. If you click on it it will open another window.

It will show you everyone else's comments there.

You can take the time and read them or just scroll down.

When you get to the bottom of the page, you'll see a white box "Post comments here"

- i think it says.

Then you type your comment in the white box, and go to the drop down menu where it says 'post as' - and choose 'annonymous' - then click on 'post comment'. A small tip, because you are choosing annonymous (that is because you don't have a blog of your own, and it's the easiest way to comment) please be sure to leave your name at the bottom.

And The Fun Begins

So I am OFFICIALLY on summer vacation....FINALLY!!!  It was a rough ending to the year but I'm very happy I was able to get through it.  To see all the tears (all the parents) at graduation last night, and being soo proud myself of the 12 kiddos that are leaving us to go on to Kindergarten made pushing myself to go back when I did more worthwhile.  And while I'd love to say I'm looking forward to the next 6 weeks off I know that they are going to FLY by...

Next week (Tuesday) I have my usual appointment with my orthodontist, I am trying to stay on track with those appointments because it is getting me that much closer to having them off.  It was originally predicted 18 months of treatment and we are now officially in 22 months of treatment.  The next "expected" date of being done is the end of the summer.  I discussed some concern with one of the oncology nurses this week about the possibility of mouth sores as a side effect of chemo and she said there were things they can do from the beginning to try and keep that from happening which makes me feel better.  Dr. B offered to take them off for me until I recovered from all the cancer stuff and then putting them back on to finish my teeth treatment, but I want to try and see this through to the end if at all possible.

Wednesday I have to have an EKG done on my heart.  One of the side effects of this particular chemo is cardiovascular damage.  They need to get a baseline of my heart and make sure there aren't already heart issues before starting the chemo.  Then they will monitor for changes from the chemo.

Thursday I will have outpatient surgery to have the port placed.  I've decided to have the port placed so they don't have to find a vein every time that they go to administer chemo.  Plus with the toxicity of the AC it is safer this way, bad things could happen if I blew a vein and it leaked out.  I'm semi nervous about the surgery, I know it's routine, but for someone who's had nothing more than wisdom teeth removal on her surgery card having to go through 2 surgeries in 3 months is A LOT.

Friday morning I start chemo.  I had to go to OSU's breast clinic on Wednesday to receive my Zolodex injection, and since there was some wait time involved the nurse was great at answering my questions and trying to give me an idea of how Friday is going to go.  They spend a lot of team teaching and talking to you throughout the process so we will spend probably a good 4-5 hours there, even though they say the treatments run about 2 hours total.  I'm nervous about starting chemo, but only because it affects EVERYONE differently and I just want to know what to expect.  Brian is scheduled to work the entire weekend for his MOD shift so I hope that I will be able to hang out there with him.  Those weekends have typically been very relaxing for me.  I tend to lay around reading, watching TV, or working on small projects....I get to eat lots of yummy foods and sometimes even get to take a nice soaking bath!

If all of this isn't crazy enough I've decided to give up my apartment.  Brian and I had already discussed plans to move back in together when our leases were up (October/November) but he's been living with me here since just before my surgery and I think financially it is silly for us to continue to maintain 2 separate spaces when we are already living together in 1.  It seems like an expensive storage unit.  I talked to the rental office about whether or not I can break my lease early (as they don't have that option built in to their lease) and they said under the circumstances that shouldn't be a problem.  I need to seek final approval from the property manager and may be out some money, but not as much as it would cost us to pay rent for the remainder of the time.  So with everything else going on, Brian and I are going to go through both places and weed out things we absolutely don't need anymore, and then after putting what is needed at his house I will moving the rest into storage.  I know this seems like a huge undertaking at this point, but I'd rather work on it now at the start of treatment, especially since they tell me that the treatments will build on each other, so I may not be tired this time, but will start to feel it more  with treatment #2 and could be just exhausted by treatment #4.  Besides it's summer and I have access to more people to help NOW than I will in November when I really do have to get out of the apartment.  And I am blessed that my friend & coworker Barb has offered to help me with the task of weeding through and packing up my place.  If I get to a point that I am not able to physically do it, she's willing to do the labor while I let her know what to do with the stuff.  I am optimistic that this chapter will work out for the best.

I know many people have offered to help in anyway they can through this whole process.  I have been so grateful for the things done so far, but once we know how I will respond to the treatments then I can get a better idea of how I can be helped.  So I will be calling on many of you who have offered to help when I don't have the energy to do everything myself.

In the meantime I am trying to plan and partake in some fun things while I know I'm still feeling up to it! Tomorrow I get to go dress shopping with a friend of mine who is getting married!  And I'm also going to Dayton to see a local band play and hang out with the girls there!

The Chemo Decision

So after a dreadful experience with oncologist number 1, we decided to seek not only a 2nd but also a 3rd opinion.  This week gave us an opportunity to meet back to back with the new oncologists.

Tuesday we met with oncologist #2.  I IMMEDIATELY felt comfortable with this doctor.  He walked in and said, while I've read your chart, I want to hear about things in your words.  I asked him where should I start, and he said the beginning.  He was very much about spending this appointment talking about options, questions and concerns we might have.  He explained to us WHY chemo was necessary, which made sense as soon as he took the time to do so.  Evidently when a breast cancer tumor forms it circulates cells through your body through either the lymphatic system as well as the blood.  We know that it wasn't traveling in my lymphatic system since my lymph nodes were negative.  However until the tumor was removed, we have no way of knowing what any of those cells were doing in my blood.  There is no way to tell if some cells broke out and attached themselves somewhere else in my body.  The chemotherapy will hopefully eliminate any of these cells from developing into tumors.  He made a suggestion of a new chemotherapy regiment (TC) that is less toxic than previously used (AC).  He suggested just 4 rounds lasting 3 months, and felt confident that I would tolerate it well and should be able to continue to work through the chemo treatment.  He then said we would follow up with the 5 years of tamoxofin, but said we could talk more about hormone therapy later.  We made appointments to see the nurse practitioner and then scheduled the first round of chemo.  While I've been afraid of having to go through chemo, I felt more comfortable with it after this appointment.  We decided to go ahead and keep the appointment scheduled for Wednesday.

Wednesday we met with oncologist #3.  We were first introduced to the doctor's fellow.  He spent time explaining the desired regiment for chemo which is what oncologist #1 suggested.  They want 4 rounds of AC every 3 weeks followed by taxol every week for 12 weeks.  Total time in therapy would be 24 weeks (6 months).  This would be followed by the 5 years of tamoxofin.  In our conversations with the fellow I expressed concern for the length of time in treatment and we expressed our concerns with fertility.  He left to discuss the case with the doctor who then came in to talk to us.  She said another option with the chemo would be to do dose density therapy, where I would have my treatments every 2 weeks, but I would need to receive an injection of Neulasta, which is a growth factor injection.  It would help boost my bone marrow back up after the chemo attacked the cells.  As far as addressing the fertility issue, she suggested injecting me with Zolodex which would put my ovaries to sleep in a sense, but should provide a barrier around my ovaries during the chemotherapy.  After chemo she said I would have to take the Tamoxofin for 2 years (effective time) at which time they would allow me to stop taking the Tamoxofin and give us a 6-9 month window to get pregnant before I would need to finish the remaining 3 years of Tamoxofin.  Because of the toxicity of the AC treatment, my best option is to have a port put in to allow for easy access for the nurses administering the chemo drugs.  Thankfully it's an outpatient surgery but one that will still require a good 4-5 hours at the hospital for monitoring.

After many tears and a lot of time spent in thought and talking things over with Brian I've made a decision as to which treatment I'm going to undergo.  Which the thought of taking the easy way out and having a much milder and shorter time with TC I am going to go with oncologist #3 and go for the more aggressive treatment.  I only have 1 shot to get this right, and we both think that the aggressive chemo will give me the best chances of not having to deal with this again.  Plus I like that oncologist gave me an option for having a child rather than just barking "freeze your eggs" when expressing my dire to have children.  I know I have a very rough battle ahead of me, but I know with the support of my family and friends that I will be able to someday put all this behind me.

Reconstruction

I haven't felt a "loss" at losing my breasts but lately I've had a hard time appreciating my body.  It has been very difficult trying to get dressed some days, especially this past weekend.  Brian and I had somewhere to go, and I wanted to look good.  So far a lot of what I've worn I would just consider "okay".  I've warn a lot of T-Shirts and button up cotton shirts but found it very frustrating to pull things out of my walk in closet FULL of clothes and not feeling like I had many options.  Most of what I have either wasn't flattering to my new body, or was not easily worn with the sports bras that I've currently been wearing.

Surprisingly enough, today's fill gave me a huge boost.  Literally and figuratively :)  I am starting to see shape and size to my new chest.  For the first time since this process started I finally feel like others can now see me taking shape.  I finally don't feel so self conscious about my chest.

I finally have made appointments with 2 different oncologists.  I will be meeting with someone at the Zangmeister Group as well as someone at the James next week.  More updates to follow when I have met with these doctors.

Oncology & A Second Opinion

We finally had our meeting with the oncologist on Friday and it's probably ranked up there as one of the worst experiences I've had since this whole ordeal has started.  We got there about 5 minutes late for our 10:30 appointment, but obviously that didn't matter as we sat in the lobby until 11:30 before being called back to an exam room.  At one point I looked at Brian and said there was NO WAY I'd come back to this particular place to have my treatments.  After getting called back into the exam room we were faced with a nurse that I politely call "an idiot"  She either DIDN'T read my chart, or read through it so quickly she didn't have her facts straight when she started talking to me, first referring to the surgery I'd had on the LEFT side :)  Well after bumbling through some other things she said well I'm just trying to figure out which arm is the best to do your blood pressure.  I told her that while in the hospital they had been doing it on my leg, her response..Oh well I'm not good at leg pressures, I'll go get the automatic machine...REALLY!??! You're a nurse in an oncology unit and you aren't good at them? and you actually had the nerve to ADMIT it??  So needless to say by the time I answered all my medical history questions and we were left alone again Brian and I had MANY doubts.  It was 12 o'clock by the time that the doctor made his appearance.  He came in and said let me go over our pathology report, which my surgeon had already pretty much done at my appointment on Monday.  WE asked what the standard treatment protocol was.  We also asked several questions concerning pregnancy and odds if chemo were delayed, AND HE COULDN'T answer the questions we had!!  We tried to tell him we didn't have any more questions as Brian and I were fed up and ready to leave at this point, to which he then goes into a long rant of all the side effects I can expect with the chemo treatments...that was overwhelming in itself, there are MANY more side effects to worry about than just losing my hair and being sick.

Needless to say I was pretty upset by the time we walked out of the hospital, I cried pretty much the entire ride home.  I contacted my breast health nurse to ask her what we should to to go about finding another oncologist for a second opinion.  She gave us a recommendation of someone at the hospital I had my surgery at, but suggested I contact my surgeon's office and tell them what happened.  I talked to the nurse there and told her I needed some advice on how to go about finding someone new.  She said she was going to ask what the doc recommended and said she's call me back.  Much to my surprise MY DOCTOR was the one to return the call.  I told him about the appointment and how Brian and I were both less than thrilled with the doctor.  We talked about what options I had, and I asked him his thoughts about seeking a second opinion from the James at OSU.  He gave me the go ahead, and so I worked some contacts I had with the OSU system and have been given the names of 3 oncologists, as well as an additional recommendation on 1 of the names from a pathologist I know at OSU.  I will make some calls on Monday to see how soon I can get in to see at least 1 of them.

Brian and I spent a lot of time talking about the situation this weekend and we both agree that we need to talk to at least 1 more doctor before deciding what is going to be the best way to proceed.  Keep your fingers crossed and prayers coming that the next oncologist makes a better impression and is more able to answer some of the important questions that we have.

Instant Puberty

Went in this am for my first fill.  This whole thing is really interesting.  She brought in a sample of what the tissue expanders look like and what the implant will look like.  Then she stuck a magnet on my chest to locate the port.  She put a needle into the skin down into the port and injected 50CC's of saline solution.  Not at all painful, although I could feel the expanders filling up.  She had me look down before she did the other side and I could actually see a difference in size.  We talked about possibly doing larger fills with the next appointments so this process doesn't take quite as long, but both thought this appointment was better left with 50CC's so I could get an idea of what it was like.

I did hop in the car and go for a short jaunt today.  Drove down to walmart to buy more front close sports bras and one of those fuzzy seat belt strap protectors.  I really hope that bra shopping is not going to be a bad experience but judging by the brief tour I took of the Walmart racks it's going to be!  I found some not so bad looking NON underwire bras that hook in the front, but of course I'm WAYYY too small to fit in any of the ones they had.  So then when I did find some A cups (not even sure I have enough to fill those at this point) the majority were underwire and HEAVILY padded!  Sheesh!  Looks like I'll just stick to my sports bras for awhile!!

We finally got an appointment to see the oncologist on Friday.  I'm nervous about this appointment but happy that my doctor recommended someone who is willing to listen to the patients wants and expectations and is willing to discuss options and statistics and all that good stuff.  Other doctors he said just say Chemo and that's it.  This appointment is really going to determine what the rest of this year is going to be like for me.

Quick Recovery?

Okay so I'm officially 18 days post op!!  I went back to see my surgeon today, the one who did all the removal.  He gave me a copy of the pathology report, which states in a foreign language what he'd already told me previously on the phone, no lymph node involvement, and clear margins.  He was very happy with how everything has healed, and thought I looked good.  I don't mind having doctor's that are into teaching, heck a paramedic got to watch my surgery to observe the anesthesiologist.  I think he was studying intubations or something...and today I had not 1 but 2 medical students checking out the goods!!

I had 2 burning questions for the doctor.  The first being WHEN CAN I START EXERCISING?!!  He said no running (so no 5K training just yet) but if I am careful about the bouncing during aerobics I can go back to Jazzercise.  He suggested walking, which Brian and I have already been doing.  Although the other night I was extremely winded during our hour walk.   The second was asking about returning to work.  Because I have another adult in the room with me at all times he said I'm good to go back.  I will be returning to work on Monday, I will work the morning class and through Thursday and then I'm going to skip out on the all day field trip Friday to the zoo.  That's going to be WAY too much.  I am hoping that the  easing into work will be great, and I can be back up to full time for the remainder of the 3 weeks we have left.  Amazingly enough I will have only burned 7 sick days by the time I walk back into my class next Monday.  Which is good because I am sure I might need some of that time if I go through chemo.

I am going to have a CT scan on my chest, stomach and pelvis as well as a full body scan on Wednesday.  I am waiting for them to send over referral paperwork to the oncology office so that I can set up an appointment to see him.  A majority of the questions I have left will be answered by that office.

Thanks again for all the cards and well wishes that everyone has sent.  I haven't had "bad" days, just days where I was feeling up to more than other days, so the cards have been a ray of sunshine for all of the days that I've been home.  You really learn who your true friends are when faced with a mountain to climb in your life.

The Drains are Out!!!

I apologize that I haven't posted in almost a week.  It surprises me just how quickly the day can get away from you, even when you don't really have anything going on!

I went back to the plastic surgeon's office Friday for a follow up to surgery, and a hope that they would take the drain tubes out.  They weren't really bothering me, but just became more of a nuisance.  Plus I'm tired of sleeping on my back, so I thought maybe if the tubes were out, I'd be able to try sleeping on my sides again.  Well unfortunately they only took one of the tubes out, and said that they'd rather leave the other one in a bit longer.  I was able to go back to his office today and have the 2nd tube removed.  I am honestly happy to have that behind me, that was not a pleasant experience, thankfully though it was over within minutes.  Next week I start getting fills in the tissue expanders, I'm excited to get this process underway and over with, but anxious about what this process will be like.

With the doctor's permission I did go ahead and make the trip to Chicago on Friday afternoon for the Scentsy Midwest Mini Convention that was held on Saturday.  I am super excited that I made the trip but who would have thought that just sitting in the car for that long of a period would be very tiring.  If I hadn't had the 1 drain tube still in, I would have hitched a ride with one of the Ohio girls, but since I had the tube in, Brian graciously agreed to take me.

Yesterday was a tough and somewhat emotional day.  Even though I joked with everybody about looking forward to having time to myself I really truely missed having Brian with me while I was recovering.  But of course all good things come to an end, and he went back to work yesterday.  I was grateful that Stacie stopped by with the boys for a quick visit and then Colleen came by for lunch and a chance to chat for awhile.  I had every intention of tackling a lengthy to do list (don't worry non of it was very physical, just paying bills, thank you notes, etc.) but I only managed to walk a rent check over to the office.

Just like everything in life this whole process has had it's good days and it's bad.  I'm thankful that there have been many more good days than bad.  I have some great people in my life that have been great in helping me through the bad times!!

Good News

Just as an FYI for everyone, yes I'm feeling up to visitors, I just ask you send me a text to give me a warning when you're coming over.  PLEASE PLEASE keep in mind that if YOU or anyone in your household is currently sick, DO NOT come visit me.  I can not afford to be exposed to anything at this point.  Don't worry phone calls are always welcome in this instance!!

I had a really nice HLC visit today.  I can't believe it took us an hour and a half to shampoo and dry my hair, take a "shower", empty the drainage tubes, change the dressing, and get me dressed in a fresh bra and pj's!  But it felt much better when we were done!  Tina came by first, and then was joined by Joanna who brought us some salad fixings for lunch.  Just as we were finishing up, Kira brought Paige over for a visit.  I know she's been dying to see if I'm okay, she of course was very shy at first, but I bribed her with my cell phone to play with and she warmed up enough to even give me a hug before she left!  Julien dropped by for a brief visit and even brought me a sugary treat.  But it's from Whole Foods so it's good for you right?!?!

After everyone left I received a call from my doctor concerning the final pathology report.  Just like they initially thought, the lymph nodes were in fact clear.  Then he said they look at clear margins, his ability to cut through the tissue without cutting through and leaving tumor behind.  He said his margins were clear, HOOORAY!  He's definitely not a good poker player, I knew as the conversation was getting started there was bad news in the call coming somewhere.  And sure enough, he said that they found 2 very small cancer tumors growing in the right breast (the one we originally believed to be clear).  They were about 6MM and 3MM.  This is not good news as far as cancer growing in my body, but makes this pain and recovery SOO much more worth it to know that we've removed ALL of that cancer from my body.  He still wants me to speak with a medical oncologist, which he will arrange for me in the next couple of weeks to discuss treatment options from this point forward.  Maybe it's just the release of the stress but after that phone call was the first time I've cried since before undergoing the surgery.

I do believe the worst of this journey just HAS to be behind us at this point, that things can only get better from here.  I continue to amaze myself each day with how well I'm handling recovery, and I feel just a bit stronger every day.  I couldn't have done it without ALL of the support that I've been shown!!  Thanks just doesn't seem enough to express that to everyone!

Road to Recovery

Okay bear with me as I'm going to try and update my blog.  Typing has been difficult on the computer so I've been trying to update Facebook as much as possible as it is very easy for me to do with the IPhone.

Post op on Thursday proved to be very difficult.  I wasn't totally nauseous as I just didn't feel good.  I asked the nurses for saltines and was told I wasn't allowed to have anything outside a liquid diet.  So we started with a can of "sprite" and I managed to get half a cup of Jello down by evening time.  Well shortly after Dad and Rita left to go find dinner and head back to the hotel I was sick to my stomach.  Later after Meghan left we thought it might be a good idea for me to sit up in bed and dangle my feet over the edge as my Breast Nurse had advised, that was EXTREMELY difficult and very painful.  Brian and I just weren't sure how to maneuver my body around to accomplish this task, and as strong as I thought my ab muscles are, it's near impossible to sit your entire upper body up from a 45 degree angle using NO upper body what so ever.  Well we somehow figured it out, and unfortunately that was enough to make me sick again.

My only complaint about the hospital care was that I wasn't on "ordered" pain meds, the nurses were relying on me to ask for them to be administered when I needed them.  So unfortunately with everything else going on I completely forgot to request meds.  By about 2 am after having gotten VERY little to no sleep all night my pain level was probably about an 8-9.  The room was hot and I kept sweating, the window was open some, but we were on the 9th floor so we heard the helicopter coming in throughout the night, and with the air circulators on my legs the machine kept going on and off and it just WAS NOT a fun time.  So I asked for pain medication hoping that would at least help me sleep.  THANKFULLY my night nurse was very keen on the idea of me eating crackers before taking the pain meds, we tried an oral first with no luck so she ended up giving me some morphine, and then was able to get me a second dose of morphine a few hours later which was what I needed to get the pain back under control.

Around 6 am they came back in to check vitals and check on me.  It was decided at that point to go ahead and start the oral pain medications to make sure I would be able to tolerate them at home.  She took the catheter out, which was both a blessing and a cause of anxiety as now I'd have to get out of bed everytime I had to go to the bathroom.  I decided at that point to just go ahead and bit the bullet and try getting out of bed at that point.  We sat the bed upright as much as I could tolerate, I spent a bit of time shimmying and scooting my butt and my legs to the edge of the bed.  Then it took both the nurse and Brian lifting my back to get me sitting upright.  After sitting on the edge of the bed for a bit we tried to venture to the bathroom.  I made it to just around the foot of the bed where I became VERY dizzy and just about passed out.  We settled me into a visitors chair where I proceeded to sit for about 2 hours.  During that time my Breast Health nurse came up to check on me, she was happy to see I was out of bed, but she commented later that I looked pretty rough.  The bladder finally got the better of me and pushed me to get out of the chair and venture to the bathroom.  I ended up settling back into the recliner in the room and there I hung out the rest of the day until getting released to go home.  They changed my dressings, which now consists of a 4x4 gauze pad covering each drainage tube site.  After Rita & Dad came to check up on me I ended up taking a short walk up and down the hallway of the hospital.

At this point I was just plain TIRED of the hospital, I could see Brian was getting very restless and stir crazy.  I paged my nurse around 2 o'clock and told her I was ready to go home.  I was nervous about leaving the safety of the hospital, but I figured we were doing fine managing the pain medication and I was eating solid foods that were staying down, so there was no reason we couldn't manage that at home. Brian felt comfortable (relatively speaking) with the dressing change and the drainage tube care so I decided home was a better place to be.  We got home about 4 and I had Margaret come stay with me so Brian could run to CVS and fill the prescriptions.  Another mistake on my part, I should have had them give me another dosage of meds before leaving the hospital, because by the time I got home I was overdue and feeling it.  Margaret and I had a nice little visit and then once the pain meds were on board I was down for the count for most of the night.  I slept off and on with Brian waking me up to get food and medications in me (I'm also on an oral antibiotic while the drainage tubes are in, and I have an anti-nausea which I haven't needed).  Around 1am he successfully took care of the drainage tubes for me.

I wanted desperately to take a shower yesterday, I'm still painted orange from the iodine, and my hair is used to being washed once a day, plus I just smelled like hospital still.   I was VERY nervous about taking everything off, seeing myself for the first time, and worried that the shower would actually be uncomfortable.  I know they said it was safe, I also don't want to do something wrong that will cause an infection or a hiccup in my recovery.  So I think mind over matter got the better of me, and as soon as we had everything situated to get ready to get in the shower I got very light headed and had to sit down.  I sat in the bathroom for a bit, but realized that I wasn't going to be able to do it, so we moved back to the recliner where Brian did the best he could with washclothes.  I felt cleaner and refreshed, but I'm still covered in iodine and still feeling greasy from lack of bathing.  He changed my dressing, my support bra and my pj's and it made a world of difference.  Had a very nice visit with my Aunt Karen and cousin January, they brought me some cute blouses and cardigans I should be able to wear once I'm actually putting real clothes on!!!  Spent the afternoon up and visiting them so by the time they left the wonderful dinner Margaret and Mac brought over was ready, and so we had some dinner and I settled in for a 2 hour nap!!

I know the nights haven't been great for Brian, as he's waking me up every 2-4 hours depending on which medication I'm due for, but I am actually sleeping soundly through most of the night.  In fact I've usually fallen back to sleep in the time between his alarm going off and him getting my medications ready to take.  I even managed to sleep in until about 9 am.  I took a short nap around lunch then decided to go head and get up and move around some.  I take little "walks" around the apartment.  I go in and visit each room and just kinda wander around for awhile.  There were boxes that needed to go out to the dumpster since he had ordered some new bedding and pillows for me that came in the mail while we were at the hospital, so I suggested I walk out to the dumpster with him.  I felt pretty good so we actually took one loop around the buildings that circle the pond.  I have liked the company, and the walks, and look forward to more, but as expected it just makes me tired.  I'm not over doing it but I'm doing everything that I can at this point to continue to get my strength back and try and get as back to normal as I can sooner rather than later.  I honestly don't lay around feeling sorry for myself anyways, so this isn't going to change anything.  I'm going to continue to fight through this as hard as my body will possibly let me fight.

Meghan is due for a visit soon so I should wrap this up, I accidentally locked her out of the apartment on Thursday night by giving her the wrong key, so she decided to just come back and visit me today on her way back home to Dayton after being with her family for Easter instead.  I'm glad because I'm much more coherent and can be a little more active in the visit.  Plus as much as I know Brian will do anything I ask him to help me do, I figure it would be better to get a girl to wash my hair, dry and style it for me, and shave my legs,  then to ask Brian to do it.  Besides I'm sure he'll need to do it at some point this week anyways.  Looking forward to my mini shower more than you could possibly know!

Thanks again to everyone who has been sending cards, flowers and just general well wishes.  If it weren't for everyone that is supporting me right now, this would not be as easy of a challenge as it has been.  I can't possibly thank everyone enough for the support!

Home

She was in pain and sick to her stomach last night, this made for a very long night. She was feeling better by dawn and had an appetite. Got her back home, she slept for a couple hours and is now working on a bowl of dry Cheerios.

Surgery Day...

I figured all of you would be checking back throughout the day looking for an update, so the best thing to do was to make one post with a time-line as things happen.  So here is goes...

10:28am - Anesthesia nurse just came in to tell us it's time, so everything is running on time.  We all met her surgeon, anesthesiologist, & nurse while we were waiting.  We did not meet the plastic surgeon because he will arrive later.  They stated surgery would take about 4 hours approximately, she will spend 2 hours in recovery, and then they will move her up to her room afterward.  But we will get updates throughout, and and update after each doctor finishes...

12:36pm - First part of the surgery is complete.  Just had a follow up consult with the breast surgeon.  He said everything went well.  Minimal bleeding.  Heart rate was great.  Etc.  She was doing just fine through the initial procedure.  He said preliminary testing by pathology of the surrounding lymph nodes was negative.  (If it had been positive, they would have needed to take some lymph nodes out as well).  So, that was probably the best news that she could have received today.  They will still send the tissue out for more complete testing by a pathologist where they will visibly look at it all in sections.  She will still be in surgery for approximately another 1-2 hours...

2:36pm - Kendra is out of surgery!  She is still in recovery right now, and is still very sleepy.  We should get to see her soon.  We met with the plastic surgeon, who said everything went well!  She will spend one night here in the hospital for sure, and she should be able to go home as early as tomorrow afternoon if she is feeling well.  They said this morning they will try and get her up and get her moving around tonight. 

Surgery Eve

I had a good day...I worked out this AM with Natalie.  Ironically enough my last chance workout was on my 3rd Jazzercise Anniversary, I can't believe I've been working out with Margaret and all the girls for 3 years now!!  I went into work and tackled the craft supplies closet in the lounge, and then had lunch with my good friend Nici.  Then utilized a 60 minute massage certificate that Angela gave me, and actually FELL asleep :)  Ran some errands then managed to fit in an hour nap.  Dad and Aunt Rita made it safely into town.  Tried to eat dinner but wasn't really hungry.  My newest friend Meg is supposed to be stopping by sometime this evening to lend me some post surgery goodies she used when she was recovering from her surgery.  I'm nervous and anxious about what tomorrow will bring.  

Meghan will be with me tomorrow and updating my blog as I'm out of surgery and recovering, so most of you should be able to get updates here tomorrow afternoon/evening.  I know everyone is worried about me and I wish I could call everyone personally and let them know how I'm doing, but this is the best that I can offer!!

The New Me!!!

For those of you dying to see, here is the Before and After shots of the haircut I got on Thursday.  I decided to go ahead and donate my long hair now, so that I had something easier to take care of post op.  I don't think I would have been okay watching my hair get thrown out if it falls out during Chemotherapy.  I have gotten so many compliments on it, and each day it gets a little easier to style!

Everything Happens For A Reason

Everything Happens For A Reason.....I wasn't always sure I believed this saying, especially when something bad like getting cancer happens.  It's hard to see how something positive could be happening because of something so horrible.  But this week I have started to see just how true that statement is.  The last piece of the puzzle has fallen into place, and now I have EVERYTHING I need to fight like hell against this horrible disease.  After receiving my diagnosis I realized how easy it is to take people or things for granted, and now I've been given a second chance at making my dreams come true in the way I want them to.

I am slowly getting things together to be prepared for surgery.  I have been assigned a Breast Health nurse who will be with me every step of the way.  I've been calling her a lot lately with questions about what to expect, how to make the last few decisions about treatment, and just what I need to have at home to prepare myself for recovery.  Brian and I found a recliner yesterday that is electric, so I won't need any more than a finger push to recline or bring the chair back to sitting.  I was worried with a recliner you need upper body strength to get yourself in and out of it.  We go on Tuesday to pick it up.  I'm making a list of groceries that I want to stock up on before going into the hospital.  Those of you that know me best know I'm very organized and very much a planner.  As long as I can keep up those habits I will be able to get myself to surgery with out much trouble.  The minute I stop having things to do I'm worried I'll become a blubbering mess!  Thankfully work is allowing me to come in at the beginning of the week even though we're on Spring Break so I can finish up those last few things before being off, and help with a major project in the building.  Having somewhere to go for the 3 days before surgery instead of sitting around the house makes me feel a lot better!

Please pray that surgery goes well, my biggest fear is that any of the medications during surgery and after will make me sick to my stomach.  I know the surgery is going to be a painful recovery but I know that I can get through it.  It will get easier with time.

Hallelujah!!

Okay so I got the call this morning from my plastic surgeon's office.  The surgery will take place on Thursday April 21st at Grant Hospital.  I don't know the specifics yet but a date is good enough at the moment.  I'm also happy to have the person I want more than anything to be the one to take care of me taking care of me.  I am hoping my friend Meg will be able to come into town for my surgery, and if so I'm going to have her be responsible for updating the blog and being a contact for information regarding surgery.  If you are someone who is part of a "group" of people I know, for example work or Jazzercise, I am working on getting 1 contact set up for surgery info then having that person spread the news to the group.  Obviously family and close friends will be kept up to date on surgery, hopefully by Meghan.  It is late and I am exhausted so I'm heading to bed!

Quick Update

It's late and I'm way over due for bed, but I wanted to let everyone know I got the results for my genetic testing back today, and not the most shocking news.  It came back that I DO have the gene for breast cancer.  And NO I still don't have a surgery date.  I am working on getting that rectified.  I am hoping to know more tomorrow.

My Gift

A woman I Jazzercise with works with a group of women called the James Stitching Sisters, which is a group of women that make quilts for chemo patients.  She was able to get one for me!  These are pictures  of the new quilt.  It's beautiful!!