I haven't felt a "loss" at losing my breasts but lately I've had a hard time appreciating my body. It has been very difficult trying to get dressed some days, especially this past weekend. Brian and I had somewhere to go, and I wanted to look good. So far a lot of what I've worn I would just consider "okay". I've warn a lot of T-Shirts and button up cotton shirts but found it very frustrating to pull things out of my walk in closet FULL of clothes and not feeling like I had many options. Most of what I have either wasn't flattering to my new body, or was not easily worn with the sports bras that I've currently been wearing.
Surprisingly enough, today's fill gave me a huge boost. Literally and figuratively :) I am starting to see shape and size to my new chest. For the first time since this process started I finally feel like others can now see me taking shape. I finally don't feel so self conscious about my chest.
I finally have made appointments with 2 different oncologists. I will be meeting with someone at the Zangmeister Group as well as someone at the James next week. More updates to follow when I have met with these doctors.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Oncology & A Second Opinion
We finally had our meeting with the oncologist on Friday and it's probably ranked up there as one of the worst experiences I've had since this whole ordeal has started. We got there about 5 minutes late for our 10:30 appointment, but obviously that didn't matter as we sat in the lobby until 11:30 before being called back to an exam room. At one point I looked at Brian and said there was NO WAY I'd come back to this particular place to have my treatments. After getting called back into the exam room we were faced with a nurse that I politely call "an idiot" She either DIDN'T read my chart, or read through it so quickly she didn't have her facts straight when she started talking to me, first referring to the surgery I'd had on the LEFT side :) Well after bumbling through some other things she said well I'm just trying to figure out which arm is the best to do your blood pressure. I told her that while in the hospital they had been doing it on my leg, her response..Oh well I'm not good at leg pressures, I'll go get the automatic machine...REALLY!??! You're a nurse in an oncology unit and you aren't good at them? and you actually had the nerve to ADMIT it?? So needless to say by the time I answered all my medical history questions and we were left alone again Brian and I had MANY doubts. It was 12 o'clock by the time that the doctor made his appearance. He came in and said let me go over our pathology report, which my surgeon had already pretty much done at my appointment on Monday. WE asked what the standard treatment protocol was. We also asked several questions concerning pregnancy and odds if chemo were delayed, AND HE COULDN'T answer the questions we had!! We tried to tell him we didn't have any more questions as Brian and I were fed up and ready to leave at this point, to which he then goes into a long rant of all the side effects I can expect with the chemo treatments...that was overwhelming in itself, there are MANY more side effects to worry about than just losing my hair and being sick.
Needless to say I was pretty upset by the time we walked out of the hospital, I cried pretty much the entire ride home. I contacted my breast health nurse to ask her what we should to to go about finding another oncologist for a second opinion. She gave us a recommendation of someone at the hospital I had my surgery at, but suggested I contact my surgeon's office and tell them what happened. I talked to the nurse there and told her I needed some advice on how to go about finding someone new. She said she was going to ask what the doc recommended and said she's call me back. Much to my surprise MY DOCTOR was the one to return the call. I told him about the appointment and how Brian and I were both less than thrilled with the doctor. We talked about what options I had, and I asked him his thoughts about seeking a second opinion from the James at OSU. He gave me the go ahead, and so I worked some contacts I had with the OSU system and have been given the names of 3 oncologists, as well as an additional recommendation on 1 of the names from a pathologist I know at OSU. I will make some calls on Monday to see how soon I can get in to see at least 1 of them.
Brian and I spent a lot of time talking about the situation this weekend and we both agree that we need to talk to at least 1 more doctor before deciding what is going to be the best way to proceed. Keep your fingers crossed and prayers coming that the next oncologist makes a better impression and is more able to answer some of the important questions that we have.
Needless to say I was pretty upset by the time we walked out of the hospital, I cried pretty much the entire ride home. I contacted my breast health nurse to ask her what we should to to go about finding another oncologist for a second opinion. She gave us a recommendation of someone at the hospital I had my surgery at, but suggested I contact my surgeon's office and tell them what happened. I talked to the nurse there and told her I needed some advice on how to go about finding someone new. She said she was going to ask what the doc recommended and said she's call me back. Much to my surprise MY DOCTOR was the one to return the call. I told him about the appointment and how Brian and I were both less than thrilled with the doctor. We talked about what options I had, and I asked him his thoughts about seeking a second opinion from the James at OSU. He gave me the go ahead, and so I worked some contacts I had with the OSU system and have been given the names of 3 oncologists, as well as an additional recommendation on 1 of the names from a pathologist I know at OSU. I will make some calls on Monday to see how soon I can get in to see at least 1 of them.
Brian and I spent a lot of time talking about the situation this weekend and we both agree that we need to talk to at least 1 more doctor before deciding what is going to be the best way to proceed. Keep your fingers crossed and prayers coming that the next oncologist makes a better impression and is more able to answer some of the important questions that we have.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Instant Puberty
Went in this am for my first fill. This whole thing is really interesting. She brought in a sample of what the tissue expanders look like and what the implant will look like. Then she stuck a magnet on my chest to locate the port. She put a needle into the skin down into the port and injected 50CC's of saline solution. Not at all painful, although I could feel the expanders filling up. She had me look down before she did the other side and I could actually see a difference in size. We talked about possibly doing larger fills with the next appointments so this process doesn't take quite as long, but both thought this appointment was better left with 50CC's so I could get an idea of what it was like.
I did hop in the car and go for a short jaunt today. Drove down to walmart to buy more front close sports bras and one of those fuzzy seat belt strap protectors. I really hope that bra shopping is not going to be a bad experience but judging by the brief tour I took of the Walmart racks it's going to be! I found some not so bad looking NON underwire bras that hook in the front, but of course I'm WAYYY too small to fit in any of the ones they had. So then when I did find some A cups (not even sure I have enough to fill those at this point) the majority were underwire and HEAVILY padded! Sheesh! Looks like I'll just stick to my sports bras for awhile!!
We finally got an appointment to see the oncologist on Friday. I'm nervous about this appointment but happy that my doctor recommended someone who is willing to listen to the patients wants and expectations and is willing to discuss options and statistics and all that good stuff. Other doctors he said just say Chemo and that's it. This appointment is really going to determine what the rest of this year is going to be like for me.
I did hop in the car and go for a short jaunt today. Drove down to walmart to buy more front close sports bras and one of those fuzzy seat belt strap protectors. I really hope that bra shopping is not going to be a bad experience but judging by the brief tour I took of the Walmart racks it's going to be! I found some not so bad looking NON underwire bras that hook in the front, but of course I'm WAYYY too small to fit in any of the ones they had. So then when I did find some A cups (not even sure I have enough to fill those at this point) the majority were underwire and HEAVILY padded! Sheesh! Looks like I'll just stick to my sports bras for awhile!!
We finally got an appointment to see the oncologist on Friday. I'm nervous about this appointment but happy that my doctor recommended someone who is willing to listen to the patients wants and expectations and is willing to discuss options and statistics and all that good stuff. Other doctors he said just say Chemo and that's it. This appointment is really going to determine what the rest of this year is going to be like for me.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Quick Recovery?
Okay so I'm officially 18 days post op!! I went back to see my surgeon today, the one who did all the removal. He gave me a copy of the pathology report, which states in a foreign language what he'd already told me previously on the phone, no lymph node involvement, and clear margins. He was very happy with how everything has healed, and thought I looked good. I don't mind having doctor's that are into teaching, heck a paramedic got to watch my surgery to observe the anesthesiologist. I think he was studying intubations or something...and today I had not 1 but 2 medical students checking out the goods!!
I had 2 burning questions for the doctor. The first being WHEN CAN I START EXERCISING?!! He said no running (so no 5K training just yet) but if I am careful about the bouncing during aerobics I can go back to Jazzercise. He suggested walking, which Brian and I have already been doing. Although the other night I was extremely winded during our hour walk. The second was asking about returning to work. Because I have another adult in the room with me at all times he said I'm good to go back. I will be returning to work on Monday, I will work the morning class and through Thursday and then I'm going to skip out on the all day field trip Friday to the zoo. That's going to be WAY too much. I am hoping that the easing into work will be great, and I can be back up to full time for the remainder of the 3 weeks we have left. Amazingly enough I will have only burned 7 sick days by the time I walk back into my class next Monday. Which is good because I am sure I might need some of that time if I go through chemo.
I am going to have a CT scan on my chest, stomach and pelvis as well as a full body scan on Wednesday. I am waiting for them to send over referral paperwork to the oncology office so that I can set up an appointment to see him. A majority of the questions I have left will be answered by that office.
Thanks again for all the cards and well wishes that everyone has sent. I haven't had "bad" days, just days where I was feeling up to more than other days, so the cards have been a ray of sunshine for all of the days that I've been home. You really learn who your true friends are when faced with a mountain to climb in your life.
I had 2 burning questions for the doctor. The first being WHEN CAN I START EXERCISING?!! He said no running (so no 5K training just yet) but if I am careful about the bouncing during aerobics I can go back to Jazzercise. He suggested walking, which Brian and I have already been doing. Although the other night I was extremely winded during our hour walk. The second was asking about returning to work. Because I have another adult in the room with me at all times he said I'm good to go back. I will be returning to work on Monday, I will work the morning class and through Thursday and then I'm going to skip out on the all day field trip Friday to the zoo. That's going to be WAY too much. I am hoping that the easing into work will be great, and I can be back up to full time for the remainder of the 3 weeks we have left. Amazingly enough I will have only burned 7 sick days by the time I walk back into my class next Monday. Which is good because I am sure I might need some of that time if I go through chemo.
I am going to have a CT scan on my chest, stomach and pelvis as well as a full body scan on Wednesday. I am waiting for them to send over referral paperwork to the oncology office so that I can set up an appointment to see him. A majority of the questions I have left will be answered by that office.
Thanks again for all the cards and well wishes that everyone has sent. I haven't had "bad" days, just days where I was feeling up to more than other days, so the cards have been a ray of sunshine for all of the days that I've been home. You really learn who your true friends are when faced with a mountain to climb in your life.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Drains are Out!!!
I apologize that I haven't posted in almost a week. It surprises me just how quickly the day can get away from you, even when you don't really have anything going on!
I went back to the plastic surgeon's office Friday for a follow up to surgery, and a hope that they would take the drain tubes out. They weren't really bothering me, but just became more of a nuisance. Plus I'm tired of sleeping on my back, so I thought maybe if the tubes were out, I'd be able to try sleeping on my sides again. Well unfortunately they only took one of the tubes out, and said that they'd rather leave the other one in a bit longer. I was able to go back to his office today and have the 2nd tube removed. I am honestly happy to have that behind me, that was not a pleasant experience, thankfully though it was over within minutes. Next week I start getting fills in the tissue expanders, I'm excited to get this process underway and over with, but anxious about what this process will be like.
With the doctor's permission I did go ahead and make the trip to Chicago on Friday afternoon for the Scentsy Midwest Mini Convention that was held on Saturday. I am super excited that I made the trip but who would have thought that just sitting in the car for that long of a period would be very tiring. If I hadn't had the 1 drain tube still in, I would have hitched a ride with one of the Ohio girls, but since I had the tube in, Brian graciously agreed to take me.
Yesterday was a tough and somewhat emotional day. Even though I joked with everybody about looking forward to having time to myself I really truely missed having Brian with me while I was recovering. But of course all good things come to an end, and he went back to work yesterday. I was grateful that Stacie stopped by with the boys for a quick visit and then Colleen came by for lunch and a chance to chat for awhile. I had every intention of tackling a lengthy to do list (don't worry non of it was very physical, just paying bills, thank you notes, etc.) but I only managed to walk a rent check over to the office.
Just like everything in life this whole process has had it's good days and it's bad. I'm thankful that there have been many more good days than bad. I have some great people in my life that have been great in helping me through the bad times!!
I went back to the plastic surgeon's office Friday for a follow up to surgery, and a hope that they would take the drain tubes out. They weren't really bothering me, but just became more of a nuisance. Plus I'm tired of sleeping on my back, so I thought maybe if the tubes were out, I'd be able to try sleeping on my sides again. Well unfortunately they only took one of the tubes out, and said that they'd rather leave the other one in a bit longer. I was able to go back to his office today and have the 2nd tube removed. I am honestly happy to have that behind me, that was not a pleasant experience, thankfully though it was over within minutes. Next week I start getting fills in the tissue expanders, I'm excited to get this process underway and over with, but anxious about what this process will be like.
With the doctor's permission I did go ahead and make the trip to Chicago on Friday afternoon for the Scentsy Midwest Mini Convention that was held on Saturday. I am super excited that I made the trip but who would have thought that just sitting in the car for that long of a period would be very tiring. If I hadn't had the 1 drain tube still in, I would have hitched a ride with one of the Ohio girls, but since I had the tube in, Brian graciously agreed to take me.
Yesterday was a tough and somewhat emotional day. Even though I joked with everybody about looking forward to having time to myself I really truely missed having Brian with me while I was recovering. But of course all good things come to an end, and he went back to work yesterday. I was grateful that Stacie stopped by with the boys for a quick visit and then Colleen came by for lunch and a chance to chat for awhile. I had every intention of tackling a lengthy to do list (don't worry non of it was very physical, just paying bills, thank you notes, etc.) but I only managed to walk a rent check over to the office.
Just like everything in life this whole process has had it's good days and it's bad. I'm thankful that there have been many more good days than bad. I have some great people in my life that have been great in helping me through the bad times!!
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